Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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