I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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