hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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