You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
