I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just had sex bonerless
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
