but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
