I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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