from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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