Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
