hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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