pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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