I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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