My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
