I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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