Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
