Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she told me i tasted like america
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
