I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize