hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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