Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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