Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize
