Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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