I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
