he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
