Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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