Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
