Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
