Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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