covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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