i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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