I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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