you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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