Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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