lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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