I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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