you traded sex for a burrito?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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