xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
