Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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