the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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