Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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