You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
