Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
