have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize