Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This toilet bowl is my home.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
