if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
love makes seman taste better
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
