I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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