The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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