i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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