shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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