Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
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She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.