if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
