After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.