My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!