You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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