Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Drake has all the answers
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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