Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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