Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
