it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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