Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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