its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
