Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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