Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
