Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
