My room smells like vodka and shame
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
