No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
