Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
