im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
