I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
