I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
