she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
