I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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