are you so shy because you have an std?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
