I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
