I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
where are my eyebrows?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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