My sheets look like a crime scene.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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