it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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