first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
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Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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