I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
