i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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