i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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