Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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