He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
