she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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