I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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