The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
