Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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