with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
