I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
