just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
