Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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